Hey guys, I'm straight acting and I don't see myself changing anytime soon.  I don't like hooking up and one night stands and am looking for someone to build something with, I'm looking for monogamous relationship.  I'm laid back and cool and I'm not the jealous type, I trust people fully until they prove me wrong.  I don't know if you can have your cake and eat it to, can a person in the closet have a real monogamous relationship with another man.  I should mention that I'm not afraid to hang out at gay bars or hang outs, it's just that I don't think I'll ever tell my family or friends the truth, I'm private and have conservative values.  If I did find someone I might even move in with him but it would have to appear as roommates and not lovers, this sounds so fucked up to me, what do you guys think?

As for the moment, I am in the same boat.......not really out yet, but really would enjoy having a monogomous relationship with the right guy.  I dont share myself with just anyone sex for me is so much better when you can share it with someone special to you.  I think it is possible to have a secret relationship but not when you want to date a guy who is already out I think it will be an issue for him sooner or later.  As far as not telling your friends or family....I think they probably suspect.....Ive notice as I am getting a little older and am not married nor do I have any children, i think they begin to wonder why.

Just some of my thoughts,

Alex

Thanks for responding, I'm glad I'm not the only one struggling with this issue.  I've only been exploring my other half for about 4 years now, call me a late bloomer, it's obviously taken me sometime to come to grips with who I am.  Also I'm from a small town in the mid west and there weren't many opportunities to experiment and explore different options.  I think whether you're male or female, straight or gay, everyone needs someone, I've always been a monogamous kind of guy.  When I first started exploring I thought Craigslist was the best sight ever, I look through it everyday and yes some of the postings do turn me on for a while but then several minutes pass and I become turned off.  I think it's the thought that people are trying to satisfy their selfish fantasies, it isn't real.

I don't know if I could date someone who was 100% out, it would just be to uncomfortable for me, on the other hand a secret relationship doesn't sound right either, what do you think?  I'm not afraid of anyone finding out I just don't want to talk about it or discuss it.  If someone asks me if I'm gay I usually same something like, "Wow great you want to talk about my sex life and lack there of sex, where should I start?"  Which is usually followed by "No I don't want to talk about that!"  Which is then followed by me say something like, "Well why'd you bring it up shit-for-brains!"  They usually drop it and change the subject.

Thanks again for responding, if you ever need someone to bounce thoughts off of, drop me a line.  I wish you where closer I'd take you out for a beer or something.

Brett

Hey Brett,  We feel like we are alone on some issues but most of the time we are not..........the same issues, circumstances just recycle themselves over and over.  Sorry you are in a small town....with limited resources, but im sure there are a feew guys on this site, who live in or not far from you who are looking to explore a little bit who want the same thing that you do.  They may be a hour or two drive away, but that might be best thing to keep things simple.  Oh yea....about that beer...if I am ever in you neck of the woods, Id love to take you up on your offer for a nice cold beer

especially if its summer time.  If its in the winter, I think a hot cocoa would be great for the mid west winter.

Alex

Alex I know it doesn't really matter where I live, you live in Dallas in all but I just wanted to clarify that I live in Minneapolis now.  I guess in my last posting I didn't make that clear that I have moved out of the small town for the city lights, anyways I just wanted you to know.

Thanks Chat Me Up for responding to my post, I think that you're missing what I'm trying to find out, it's probable my fault, sometimes I don't make myself clear.  I'm not worried about being outed, I'm just wondering if there are any straight acting males out there who are in a serious meaningful relationship, or is this just a fantasy and is the only why one can find something special is to come out of the closet.  I'm real and genuine and I would like to find someone the same as me to share my life with, I want something more then a cock and ass, I want someone to love and take care of and for him to do the same for me.  I just don't know if I'll ever be ready to come out of the closet and embrace some ideal of a gay stereotype.  At this moment in my life I just can't envision me ever telling my friends and family that I'm gay, but I also can't imagine that I can find someone and build something special without admitting that to the people I love.

I knew that! :)  I was just stating that if I was ever in your neck of the woods I would like to chill and drink a beer with you. .......It may not be anytime soon but, when I can I am always open for a friendly chat and a drink......have a good day.

if you want him he will cum........ oops i mean COME :D.. took me several broken hearts before I found one... been dating for a year now. and so far so good. ONE YEAR whew..... thats forever in gay years

lykolder, u are so bad.......Im laughing about the comment you made "If you want him he will cum"

a relationship with a guy who isnt out will suck i dont get it y would u just want to be in a relationship when your not around any1 and when u r u guys have to act like friends thts just really bad for both sides cause u will never know what its like to really truly love someone when u come out you will know what im talking about

I have to agree with the last post. Once I came out it was such a big difference, it changed everything for me. I don't know how you can have a honest relationship with someone if your lying to everyone else.

@ Alexander...... am not that bad :)

@ the coming out issue + having a relationship:

Hmmm, I'm a magnet for closet queens and married guys, and dating them can be quite frustrating. Despite the fact that I prefer Loud and Proud guys, I always end up with a closet case.

Slight history on my closet ex's

One ex was paranoid... our only Dinner dates where composed of popcorn and/or a sandwich in a cinema - on the 3rd or 4th week of the movie, oh the cinema should be on the other side of town from where he is.

Another ex, our dates are always in a hotel, just in the hotel.

The other flings and dates i've had where mostly in the car geeez.... its not easy for a tall guy to have sex in a japanese made car. ><

Then I finally got lucky...

Heck my partner is a 42yo closetted chinese bear - he's the eldest SON of the Eldest son, born in a strict chinese family. Go figure... it might sound stupid but its painful to imagine... what if he suddenly dies (heaven forbid) I cant go to his wake - for fear of embarassing him or causing pain to his family.

More pet peeves....... I live near Manila Bay, and we have lots of beautiful Sunsets....... and I cant kiss him even if the moment is sooooo romantic.

I cant bring him to a romantic dinner.

Cant hug him if we'er in public.

Cant hold his hand when in public.

But I guess that part of him being closetted is doing well for him, even though it doesnt FIT MY IDEAL relationship, but a relationship is also give and take. He deals with my flaws the same way i deal with his.

BUT BUT BUT.... i can bring him to the rainbow district of Manila :) aka Malate, and there he's agreed to be OUT :)

In the end its all about honesty, COMPROMISE and TRUST....... oh and a dash of common courtesy.

@ Lykolder, I feel ya man.  I feel a little bad because I am in the closet also, but im not nearly as paranoid a ur ex.  I really dont see anything wrong with going to a movie or dinner with a guy in public.  some people are just too uptight.  I had a date a few months ago ( I know thats sad that my last date was a few months ago) and after the movie in the parking lot he gave me a hug.  I was fine with that but he did give me a hug in a manner that two straight guys dont hug.  It was a nice embrace with his hands moving down my back....whew!  that felt good!  ...lol.  I did feel a little uncomfortable but I did not freak out.  I guess I wanted to sy that all guys that are in the closet do not have the door closed and locked

well i think being in the closet should not affect one's hunt for mr right.

@Alexander

Its not sad if you dont have a date for a couple of months.... it just means you havent met anyone that sparks your interests.

Wait... is having sex = date? If so then I would have lots of dates  for the past couple of years.

Anyway, the best way to find a relationship is to go out to bars or where ever gay guys hang out. But then again being closeted may pose a problem. How about exclusive gay night clubs ?

Hmmmmm,........ honestly I dont go out to gay clubs or bars.  I think if I did go I would go to a bar during the week.  I know a  lot of straight girls that go to gay clubs on the weekend to go dancing.  I personally have been to gay clubs with straight men and women co workers who decided to go on a whim to dance and hangout.  If anything Id enjoy a nice bar anyways.......when I was 21 I did the "club thing" hard and know I just don't really care for them. Id rather chll and have  drink and talk and laugh with friends.

When I said a date.....I meant just that...lol.  .......yeah I seriously need some....lol

I am alos looking for a relationship   but  bu all guys i met they wnat me but that wnat me to fuck other guys  if u are intersted we can knwo each other better